If games are inherently political, does that mean politics can be games?

So, there’s been a lot of talk lately about the inclusion of politics in games. Activists working within the industry, along with their goons in the media, think this is a necessity. All art is inherently political, so we’re told. Even though all the art we’ve been receiving seems to be one sided propaganda for fashionable left wing causes. We recently got word that Ubisoft will be cramming political messaging into Far Cry 6 for example. Which has always kind of been there, but if they’re pointing it out, you can guarantee it’ll be more ham fisted than Amy Schumer at a luau.

This raises an interesting question though. If games are inherently a political, does that mean that politics inherently involves games? And no, I’m not talking about games in the metaphorical sense here. Which is why I’m announcing the launch of the Gamer Party to run in the next Canadian federal election, along with a brief rundown of our platform, and how we plan to reform the government.

1. The PC Master Race will be made the official state, and only approved, religion. All console gamers will be required to bow down to their PC gods and give sacrifice for choosing an inferior platform.
2. All Parliamentary debates will be resolved through a best of 7 match of NHL 2021. But no microtransactions or loot boxes allowed! Senate debates, being the house of sober second thought, will be determined through a match of Civilization. Since they take about that long anyway.
3. Canada’s national animal will be changed from the beaver to Sonic the Hedgehog, as our proud nation gotta go fast into the future.
4. Hate speech will strictly be limited to Call of Duty: Modern Warfare lobbies.
5. The national currency will be changed from the Canadian dollar to World of Warcraft gold, following the lead of Venezuela, and because it’s actually worth something.
6. All Fortnite dances are hereby outlawed under penalty of having to play Fortnite.
7. Tod Howard will be banned from entry into the country until he finally fixes Skyrim.
8. We’ll replace our one army guy with Doom Guy as a more effective peace keeping strategy.
9. Guns will be legalized, but only if they’re absurdly big anime guns.
10. We will push The Hague to try Yuji Naka for crimes against humanity, due to his release of Balan Wonderworld.
11. All games journalists will be mandated to perform at least 20 hours of “adulting” per week. We will also be providing them with free diaper rash cream to finally ease the epidemic of “butt hurt” within the industry.
12. The national anthem will be changed from O’Canada to the Game Cube startup sound.
13. All Italian plumbers must legally change their name to Mario and wear a red cap.
14. Hideo Kojima will be appointed Minister of Fuck Konami
15. We will use our socialized health care system to help Jim Stirling go on a low sodium diet.
16. We will abandon warfare as a policy and instead resolve all international conflicts with a round of CS:Go. I think we have a good chance here if we conscript our many Russian hockey players.
17. Gabe Newell will be legally required to finish Half-Life 3 under penalty of having to give Tim Sweeney a back rub.
18. We will deport Ubisoft back to France.
19. We will finally replace our aging CF-18 Hornet fleet with a working Metal Gear.
20. Deadpool will be recognized as a national hero, and will finally get a new game.
21. We will push to make Twitch Hot Tub Streaming an official Olympic event.
22. Crypto miners will be heavily taxed with the proceeds going to our new “Save the GPUs” fund.
23. Nintendo will be required to name the Switch Pro the “Switchy McDriftface”.
24. All lawyers and judges will be required to play the entire series of Ace Attorney games to understand our new legal system.
25. All Naughty Dog games will be banned for sale until the company fires Neil Druckman and rehires Amy Henig.