Best of the Worst of Shovelware: April 3rd, 2009

I’m really tired of all the shovelware that’s appearing on pretty much every single system these days. You know what kind of games these are. The ones that are bargain basement cheap, short, of low quality, nonsensical, and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. So, I thought I’d start a semi-regular feature on some of the more bizarre shovelware titles I come across. Each week or two, I’ll look at a couple trailers for shovelware titles and disect them.

Let’s Hitchhike (Wii)
What do you do when dinosaurs and UFOs take over the city? Why you hitchhike your way out of there of course! You hop a ride on whatever you come across, be it a sports car, a tractor, a cow, or a tree… wait, a tree? Apparently there are Ents living in the Let’s Hitchhike world as you can actually flag down passing… trees. The goal is to do a dance that will attract the driver’s attention. Shake your booty in your track suit and you might just be able to hitch a safe ride away from those dinos, or possibly get gang raped by bikers at a truck stop. This game was developed in Japan. No surprises there. Somebody once told me that defeated peoples develop a collective neuroticism combined with repressed aggression. Thus they seek strange outlets for these feelings. The Germans have schizer videos, the Japanese, well, they also have bizarre porn, and even stranger video games. Sometimes they combine the two; but not in this case… fortunately or unfortunately depending on your point of view. Hey! Who’s driving the bus? Ooh, una momento por favor.

Noby Noby Boy (PS3)
Noby Noby Boy is a bit like a bad acid trip. After sifting through a dozen trailers for it, I still don’t know what this game is about. That’s never a good sign. I guess I could best describe it as Kirby breading with a rejected Pokemon character, who’s offspring is sucked into a Slavador Dali painting. You eat stuff, and you grow longer to make your Girl happy. I’ll spare readers from the obvious sexual innuendos here. I don’t really have any snappy commentary for this title because I think the video speaks for itself. I admit I almost bought this one out of sheer curiosity. I made a more sensible purchase by going with Flower instead.