Review: Resistance Tech Rose Tico Toy

Rose Tico™. She’s the Star Wars™ character Asian girls needed so they’d have someone to look up to. At least since Disney unceremoniously canned Jan Ors out from “canon”. But who needs interesting characters anyway? We’ve got Rose instead. She’s short, she’s annoying, and she’s here to point the finger of scorn at all your toxic male friends.

Now, I haven’t seen The Last Jedi, nor do I intend to.  But I’ve seen enough clips to get the gist of it. Like a lot of Star Wars™ fans, I’m not happy with the direction LucasFilm is taking the franchise. They’re blatantly trying to shove a political agenda into what were supposed to be fun homages to old sci-fi adventure serials and Samurai films. Rose herself is a victim of this. A one dimensional character that’s only there to tick a box on some diversity card.

Despite this and largely because of it, the Tic-ster has become somewhat of a cult icon among dissenting Star Wars™ fans. She’s been drafted by a dark side council of angry geeks to mock the absurdity of the Disney era films. Much of this is thanks to Ethan Van Sciver, professional comic artist (Green Lantern, Cyber Frog) and self proclaimed “Ticopath”. He’s got Tico armies, Tico Funko Pops (Part of the Problem), gone Tico bowling, sells Tico t-shirts, and even has a life size cardboard Tico cutout. It’s a good case study jokes that run amok and take on a life of their own. I feel sorry for his wife.

So there I am. It’s 10pm on the last night of a long weekend. I’ve got a couple adult beverages in me, just watched a couple of Ethan’s videos, and I’m surfing Amazon. That’s when I saw the most beautiful thing ever. Hasbro’s “Force Link™ Resistance Tech Rose Tico™” for the low, low price of $5 Canuck bucks. And it wasn’t even half price #TicoTuesday. A couple days later and a box of junk arrives at the door, including my very own Tico. So how does Star Wars’ new Asian sensation stack up?

Well, to start off, here’s a picture of Tico actress Kelly Marie Tran. 

Cute, right?

She’s a sweetheart. Adorable, a little sexy. Just a nice regular girl. The kind you’d want to take home to mamma. Would I date her? Yes, most definitely. (So Kelly, if you’re reading this, I know this nice little Italian place. So next time you’re in Toronto, call me.)

Now here’s Rose.

The face that Leia Poppins-ed a million starships.

Yikes. Look at that scowl. It’s like someone put Kim Jong Un in a potato sack.

Unfortunately, that is what she really looks like in the movie. Roundhead Rian Johnson has an affinity for frumpy, androgynous girls I guess, being one himself. You do have to hand it to Hasbro though. Their 3.25” figures are just as well sculpted and painted as they were 20+ years ago. Which is to say she looks perfect. They do make a quality toy. 

Figures presumably to scale. Also notice that Rose will never bend the knee, because she physically can’t.

Cute pony tail included.

The best part is, she theoretically works with all your classic Habsro and Kenner accessories. Which means we can have some fun.

Here’s Rose stealing Luke’s Speeder Bike. Presumably to free Ewoks from the fur trade.

Fleeing from a hungry Rancor she “liberated”.

Going Mano a Tico with the Emperor

Doing a sexy pose on my Tico sized Camero.

Getting assimilated by Locutus of Borg. Oops, wrong franchise.

Will, you’re my hero! Hey, keep your hands to yourself mister. #MeToo

Rose also supports Hasbro’s Force Link™ 1.0™ (sold separately). This lets her repeat famous lines from the film like “I’m Rose Tico”, and “I can fix anything”. As much as I’d love to try this out, I’m not about to give Disney more money. Plus I’m told it doesn’t work that well anyway.

The sad part is that Rose could have been a great character, had LucasFilm hired competent writers and dumped their political agenda. I see a care free, plucky mechanic who’s always ready for adventure. Like Kaylee from Firefly or Ed from Cowboy Bebop. It’s a role that would fit Kelly Marie Tran’s personality well, and I could see her having a lot of having a lot of fun with it. Yet Rose, along with Fin, Rey, and every other one dimensional lead character in those films, has become symbolic of everything that’s wrong with the franchise. Star Wars™ is a stumbling zombie. Stale, preachy, and no longer able to connect to its fan base.

But you should still buy your own Tico. Ticos for all! A mighty army of Ticos!!

Score: 11/10

What Works
-It’s Rose M-Fing Tico

What Doesn’t Work:
-Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy